Teaching English in Japan, I used to run into this kind of conversation all the time...

Me: How are you?
Student: I'm fine, thank you. And you?
Me: I'm good.
Student: ...
Me: ...

Or something like this:

Me: Did you do anything fun last weekend?
Student: I stayed home.
Me: Oh, uh... that's... nice...
Student: ...

Sometimes it felt like my job was not teaching English. My job was to survive Awkward Silence Endurance Tests.

I know that, in a large part, the students are not to blame. It's hard to maintain a conversation in a foreign language, right? But at the same time, there is an inexcusably large portion of the Japanese population that cannot hold a conversation.

It's something getting left out of Social Skills 101 in Japan. And I have no idea why.

But as students of Japanese, when this happens while speaking Japanese with someone, we feel like it's our fault. If only I were better at Japanese, then surely our conversation would twist and grow and thrill us both, leaving us no choice but to become best friends forever.

Or something like that...

(Hey, I can dream.)

At the moment, sadly, I do not have a formula for super, awkward-silence-free conversations. Sorry. But I do have...

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Conversation Topic Toolkit

I was reading this article today entitled:

1分以上会話が続かない人に！
キャバクラで鍛えたコミュニケーション術10選
いっぷん　いじょう　かいわ　が　つづかない　ひと　に！
キャバクラ　で　きたえた　コミュニケーション　じゅつ　じゅう　せん
For people that can't hold a conversation for more than a minute:
10 communication techniques honed at a hostess club.
Literally, Line #1: "one minute + over + conversation + が + won't continue + person + に！"
Literally, Line #2: "hostess club + で + forged + communication + technique + ten + selection."

Ah, I know that this is going to turn into an overly long tangent, but there are so many fascinating words in this title.

First, we have キャバクラ, which is a "hostess club."

Can you catch what the original meaning is, though? Maybe it will help if I write the whole thing: キャバレークラブ.

No guesses?

Well... this word, originally, is "cabaret club." I don't know if this is a really old word or if it's simply a case of misunderstood English, but a "hostess club" is certainly not a "cabaret club."

Not this:

Rather, this:

A キャバクラ, or "hostess club" is essentially just an expensive, private bar that men go to in order to drink and chat with young, beautiful girls. In addition to the cost of drinks, guests also pay a fee based on how much time they spend there.

Walking around Japan, you'll sometimes see advertisements like this:

Generally speaking, this is what those ads are for. Don't be too surprised if one of your female friends has worked at one of these bars, as it's an extremely popular job for girls in their early twenties. Making (a minimum of) $20 an hour just to chat up guys and pour them drinks-- I suppose I can see the allure. Also, these are not brothels. They really are, for the most part, just private bars where you can flirt with girls.

That said, there are many men that go to these seeking more than just a chat and drinks, and depending on the place, they might get it. I can't say for sure, as I've never been. I have heard of girls working at these that end up becoming, for lack of a better word, the "mistress" of an older gentleman that gives them money, maybe an apartment, etc.

Anyways, I'll stop. The proliferation and general tolerance of this industry commoditizing women is one of my least favorite things about this country that I love and find fascinating. So I can get carried away talking about it.

Instead, let's look at this other interesting word: 鍛える（きたえる）.

鍛える（きたえる）means "to forge," but it's used in a somewhat broader sense in Japanese. When this writer says キャバクラで鍛えた（キャバクラ　で　きたえた）, she is not saying "forged in the depths of Hostess Club." Rather, she's just saying that these techniques were tested and refined at a hostess club.

You'll often hear this word when talking about "working out," actually. Like this:

体鍛えてる。
からだ　きたえてる。
I'm getting in shape.
Literally: "body + am forging."

Such a cool word. Or maybe I'm just a nerd.

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Joke Material... I mean, "Conversation Material"

In the article, there is a section titled:

会話のネタを頭に入れておく
かいわ　の　ネタ　を　あたま　に　いれて　おく
Memorize (these) conversation topics.
Literally: "conversation + の + (joke) material + を + head + に + prepare (~ おく) by inserting (入れて)."

Studying Japanese, most of us will learn that a "topic of conversation" is a 話題（わだい）, but I get the sense that a 話題 is a bit more serious... like a "topic" in a classroom, an essay, or a... uh... serious conversation?

Then we have ネタ, which for years I thought meant just "joke." For example, a 下ネタ（しもネタ） is sometimes translated as "dirty joke," literally, "below + joke material." However, "dirty topic" is often a better translation.

In encountering articles like the one we're exploring today, I learned that a ネタ can also, in a casual sense, just refer to a topic of conversation, or the contents of a conversation. So in that sentence above, she is semi-literally saying, "Put conversational material/topics in your head."

会話のネタを語呂にしたものに、
適度に整理すべし（テキドニセイリスベシ）という、
夜の仕事や営業職の合言葉のようなものがあるので、
紹介します。
かいわ　の　ネタ　を　ごろ　に　した　もの　に、
てきど　に　せいり　すべし　（テキドニセイリスベシ）　という、
よる　の　しごと　や　えいぎょう　の　あいことば　の　ような　もの　が　ある　の　で、
しょうかい　します。
For night workers and salespersons there is a popular mnemonic for finding conversation material that goes like this: "te-ki-do-ni-se-i-ri-su-be-shi" (= you should moderately organize/arrange).

This sentence is long and complicated and, honestly, probably not worth doing a word-by-word breakdown... unless you're already at a high enough level to do one yourself. Suffice it to say that she's introducing an assortment of conversation topics that you can remember by recalling the phrase 適度に整理すべし（てきど　に　せいり　すべし / "moderately + organizing + should do"）.

Here's the breakdown:

テ　→　テレビ
キ　→　気候
ド　→　道楽
ニ　→　ニュース
セ　→　生活
イ　→　田舎
リ　→　旅行
ス　→　スター・スキャンダル
ベ　→　勉強
シ　→　仕事

Trouble reading all of those? No worries, fellow student. I got you:

テ→テレビ（TV）
キ→気候（ きこう / weather）
ド→道楽（ どうらく / hobbies）
ニ→ニュース（news）
セ→生活（ せいかつ / life(style)）
イ→田舎（ いなか / countryside）
リ→旅行（ りょこう / travel）
ス→スター・スキャンダル（celebrities; scandals）
ベ→勉強（ べんきょう / studies）
シ→仕事（ しごと / work）

Attention, Motivated Students: I use all of the words in that list all the time. Well, except for スター and スキャンダル. Oh, and I usually say 天気（てんき）for "weather" and 趣味（しゅみ） for "hobbies; interests." But still, you would do well to memorize these words.

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The List!

Since this lesson would become painfully long if we went through all of the following phrases, for now I'll just list their kana breakdowns. Then tomorrow, we can look at translations, literal breakdowns, and casual alternatives for these (not casual) phrases and questions.

Your task for today is testing how much you understand each of the sentences below. Good luck!

テ　→　テレビ

テレビはよくご覧になりますか？
テレビ　は　よく　ごらん　に　なります　か？

キ　→　気候

暑い日がつづいていますね。
あつい　ひ　が　つづいています　ね。

ド　→　道楽

何か趣味はありますか？
なにか　しゅみ　は　あります　か？

ニ　→　ニュース

駅で火事があったそうです。
えき　で　かじ　が　あった　そう　です。

セ　→　生活

お休みの日は何をされていますか？
おやすみ　の　ひ　は　なに　を　されています　か？

イ　→　田舎

ご出身はどちらですか？
ごしゅっしん　は　どちら　です　か

リ　→　旅行

インドに行ったことはありますか？
インド　に　いった　こと　は　あります　か？

ス　→　スター・スキャンダル

大物歌手が逮捕されましたね。
おおもの　かしゅ　が　たいほ　されました　ね。

ベ　→　勉強

大学では何をお勉強されていたんですか？
だいがく　では　なに　を　おべんきょう　されていた　ん　です　か？

シ　→　仕事

何のお仕事をしていますか？
なん　の　おしごと　を　しています　か？

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Too hard?

OK, OK. Here are some translations.

But the literal breakdowns and all that will be tomorrow.

テ　→　テレビ

テレビはよくご覧になりますか？
テレビ　は　よく　ごらん　に　なります　か？
Do you watch TV often?

キ　→　気候

暑い日がつづいていますね。
あつい　ひ　が　つづいています　ね。
It's still hot out, isn't it? // It's been hot for a while now, hasn't it?

ド　→　道楽

何か趣味はありますか？
なにか　しゅみ　は　あります　か？
Do you have any hobbies?

ニ　→　ニュース

駅で火事があったそうです。
えき　で　かじ　が　あった　そう　です。
I heard there was a fire at the station. // Apparently there was a fire at the station.

セ　→　生活

お休みの日は何をされていますか？
おやすみ　の　ひ　は　なに　を　されています　か？
What do you do on your days off?

イ　→　田舎

ご出身はどちらですか？
ごしゅっしん　は　どちら　です　か
Where are you from?

リ　→　旅行

インドに行ったことはありますか？
インド　に　いった　こと　は　あります　か？
Have you ever been to India?

ス　→　スター・スキャンダル

大物歌手が逮捕されましたね。
おおもの　かしゅ　が　たいほ　されました　ね。
So that famous singer was arrested, right? // That famous singer was arrested.

ベ　→　勉強

大学では何をお勉強されていたんですか？
だいがく　では　なに　を　おべんきょう　されていた　ん　です　か？
What did you study in college?

シ　→　仕事

何のお仕事をしていますか？
なん　の　おしごと　を　しています　か？
What do you do for work?

Definitely worth memorizing these, yeah? Unless you love awkward silences, I guess...