International Parties
Having No Friends
The first time I lived in Japan was for a six-month period as a student in 2009-2010.
It was great. I learned a lot of Japanese (which I later forgot, then re-learned), met a lot of friends though my school, and fell in love with the sprawling metropolis that is Tokyo.
I was plagued by one major problem, though: I didn't have any Japanese friends.
I had a lot of Korean and American friends from school, but I didn't really know any Japanese people. In retrospect, it seems kind of ridiculous to me that I wanted Japanese friends so badly but didn't make any. Tokyo is one of the easiest places in the world to meet new people.
Almost Having Friends
During the last few months of my stay, I started working part-time at Leafcup, an English conversation cafe.
Basically I would go in, sit around a table with Japanese people, and just talk to them in English. I only made 1,000 yen an hour (which back then was a bit over $10 an hour), so I wasn't making nearly enough to support my studies in Japan (I would soon run out of money, give up on Japanese, and go back to the States feeling sorry for myself). Still, a cool job.
Working at places like Leafcup, and later at an English conversation school in 2013-2014, I got a lot more comfortable talking to random strangers. I mean, it was my job to do so. This was huge for me, as I've always been pretty shy.
Anyway, I did make a few Japanese friends at Leafcup―always during the school's periodic parties. This was my first taste of the international party scene in Tokyo.
Students would pay two- or three-thousand yen for a couple of hours of all-you-can-drink interaction with native English speakers. One of my best friends met his first-ever Japanese girlfriend after I brought him to a Leafcup party with me.
This time I will make friends.
Fast forward a few years. After more or less wandering aimlessly, working restaurant jobs, volunteering in Peru, and studying zero Japanese, I felt Japan calling me again. So, I got an English-teaching job at a conversation school in Shinjuku, Tokyo.
This time I was absolutely determined to make Japanese friends. A thought occurred to me: I only ever managed to make friends at that Leafcup party, so maybe I'll see if they're still doing those.
They were still having parties. In fact, Leafcup had grown to several locations, turned into what appeared to be a thriving business.
Within 24 hours of arriving in Japan, having done little more than drop my luggage off at my new sharehouse, I set off to join a party at Leafcup's branch in Shibuya. I was more than a little nervous.
I paid some negligible fee to get in, as I was a native English speaker. Maybe 1,000 yen or so for two hours of all-you-can-drink conversation. I think it's more than that now.
I was the only non-Japanese person there that wasn't working, or applying to work, at Leafcup. No, wait, I take that back. I met a guy from India there that was more or less doing the same thing I was―just looking for new people to talk to.
Success!
I met a lot of people that night. Two of them I am still in contact with today.
#1 is a girl named Yoko. She was working for Rakuten and living in Kamakura, which is a solid distance from central Tokyo. Almost a year later, when a childhood friend of mine was visiting me in Tokyo, we went to a small party at Yoko's house in Kamakura, stayed the night at her place, and had breakfast on an empty beach the following morning. I ate a kinako donut. It was rad.
#2 is a guy named Koichi. I would later help Koichi set up a website for an English school he was opening. That failed, but he has since set up a different, successful English pronunciation school in Tokyo. I also got a free refrigerator from him when I moved into a new apartment. He keeps inviting me to go and stay at his father's vacation home in Kagoshima, but I haven't taken him up on it... yet.
International Parties
Needless to say, my first international party turned out quite well. I have since been to A LOT of them. Some were great. Others, not so much.
Some of the major ones:
TokyoParty.org: Rei and I took her friend to one of these a couple of years ago. We became friends with a guy named Ricardo from Mexico, who would later join us for a few get-togethers.
Gaitomo: One of the first international parties I ever went to was through them. I met a different girl named Yoko, who ended up becoming best friends with one of my best friend's friends who was a half-Japanese girl from the U.S. Good luck making sense of that sentence.
Tokyo Pub Crawl: This was much smaller the one time I went to it a few years ago, but apparently it's a big thing now. When I went, it was 90% foreigners and 10% Japanese people. Boo. But I still had a good time.
Meetup events like this one: I've never been to a Meetup event in Japan. Back when I was searching for friends, there were almost no Japanese people using this site. I suspect that may have changed, though. I just got a message from a former student, now friend of mine, saying that she goes to these nowadays.
The Dark Side of the Party Scene
There are some bad things about these international parties, sadly:
- You will be surrounded by foreign guys just looking for a Japanese girl.
- A lot of Japanese people will only be there to get free English practice with you, not to actually become friends. *Flashback to the middle-aged Japanese man in the velour sweatsuit that wouldn't stop talking to me, Rei, and her friend.*
- Though many are great deals, some of them are a rip-off. I went to one only to find out that "all-you-can-drink" didn't come with beer (or even 発泡酒 [はっぽうしゅ // happoshu]) like normal, only a disgusting, sweet punch that I had zero interest in drinking.
The Friend-Making Formula
All the bad stuff aside, it is one of the easiest ways to meet new people in Tokyo. And it is a great starting point for making new friends.
For example:
During my first couple of weeks in Japan, I went to an international party in Roppongi. I went straight after getting off work, so I was pretty much the only person there wearing a suit. At that party, I met a guy named Ken.
A couple of weeks later, Ken invited me to my first-ever 合コン (ごうこん) (A 合コン is kind of like a group blind date, by the way. The story of Toby in Tokyorevolves around a 合コン.) It was me, Ken, Ken's cousin, and three female Japanese college students. I didn't keep in touch with the girls or Ken, but Ken's cousin would later come to a lot of 飲み会 (のみかい // [drinking] parties) that I would put together. He had a very deep voice and loved talking about trains.
Speaking of organizing parties...
I think the easiest way to make friends in Japan is to exchange contact information (namely, LINE) with cool-seeming people at international parties, work, anywhere. Then invite them to a 飲み会 (のみかい) that you "and some friends" (although really just you) are holding in 2-3 weeks. I prefer 7 or 7:30 p.m. in Shinjuku or Shibuya. The new person you just met will likely want to bring a friend of their own, and this turns into a snowball of new friends. Boom! You now have a social life.
That's how it worked out for me, at least.
Conclusion
I would certainly recommend international parties for people who are just visiting Tokyo and wanting to talk to people that live in Japan.
I have yet to decide, however, if I'll take my dad to one of these when he finally agrees to explore Japan with me. At the very least, it would be... interesting...
Japanese you can use at international parties:
こんばんは。ジョンです。初めまして。
こんばんは。 ジョン です。 はじめまして。
Hi, I’m John. Nice to meet you.
Literally: “hello. + John + です. + nice to meet you (=we’re meeting for the first time).”
Note: This is something you can say when randomly walking up to a new person at a party.
こういうところよく来るんですか？
こういう ところ よく くる んです か？
Do you come to places like this often?
Literally: “this type of + place + often + come + んです + か?”
Note: I used to use this question a lot when talking to a person I just met at a bar, international party, etc..
このあと二次会しない[しませんか]？
このあと にじかい しない [しませんか]？
Want to all go somewhere else after this?
Literally: “after this + second party (on the same night) / second meeting + won’t do?”
Note: The しない？ending is casual. しませんか？is more formal.
このあと二次会行く人ー！
このあと にじかい いく ひとー！
Who’s coming to the next place with us?! // Who wants to go somewhere else after this?! // Who wants to keep partying after this?!
Literally: “after this + second party (on the same night) / second meeting + go + person!”
Note: You could use this if everyone is having fun and already seems quite comfortable with one another.
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