Approaching Strangers
I was gonna write some more travel lessons about trains, buses, and all that stuff.
But I was getting bored just thinking about it.
Then I was thinking maybe we should transition to "hotel Japanese" for a few lessons.
Yeah, don't feel like studying that just yet, either...
Let's do something fun, instead: Try to talk to the locals!
I've always hated being a shy person.
I get jealous when I see people just pick up the phone and call a random business like it's nothing. Doing stuff like that drains my precious life energy.
Being an introvert―a person who gets their energy during time spent alone―is chill. It's being shy that interferes with making life as awesome as it can be.
The first time I lived in Japan, I had quite a few friends at the Japanese language school I was attending. Most of them were American, Korean, or Chinese. What I really wanted, though, was Japanese friends. I was trying to learn Japanese, after all.
But I just couldn't figure out how to make these friends. I wasn't interacting with Japanese people in my daily life, with the exception of a handful of teachers. And approaching strangers on the street, at a cafe, in a bar, or wherever did not seem to be something that you do in Japan.
So I ended up living in Japan for about 9 months and only made maybe one or two Japanese friends.
Fast-forward to my second stint in Japan. This time I was going there to teach English, but in my heart I was still going just to learn Japanese. (The dream!) I didn't want a repeat of my no-friends nightmare again, so I swore to myself that I would be vulnerable and meet people any way that I could. In other words, I would tell myself that I was not a shy person and just talk to people.
Long story short, it worked out, and I ended up making more friends than I've had in perhaps my entire life.
My #1 tactic for making these new friends? Starting conversations with strangers.
Choosing Your Hunting Grounds
(Note: I'm probably over-thinking all of this stuff about talking to strangers. If you're Mr. Extrovert and starting conversations with people you don't know is basically as easy as breathing, all of this might sound a bit silly to you, but this analytical approach was very helpful for me personally. So I'm hoping it'll help some of the other shy people reading this.)
(Additional Note: I'm not talking about meeting people at clubs, but that is a viable option, too. However, the music will be too loud to talk, and the motives, so to speak, of all interested parties would likely be a bit different than just making a friend and getting some travel advice.)
There is a very limited number of places where I will attempt to start a conversation with a stranger in Japan.
First of all, I never try talking to someone who is moving. If someone is walking, then they have somewhere to go, and they probably aren't looking to stop and shoot the breeze with me.
So where are people not moving around in Japan?
Well, lots of places. But I have only ever successfully started conversations with Japanese people in two places: (1) bars, and (2) outside of stations.
For example, once I was at this standing bar in Shibuya:
I was just reading a Google Review of the place, and apparently it's a hot spot for pickpockets these days! Who knew.
Anyway, I was at that standing bar (=a bar with no chairs). I was by myself, if I remember correctly, and I started talking to the Japanese guy standing next to me. I said:
こんばんは！
Good evening!
Note: That's "konban wa," not "konban ha."
I think I scared him. I then quickly followed that up with:
この店よく来るんですか？
この みせ よく くる んです か？
Do you come to this place often?
Literally: “this + shop + often + come + んです + か?”
I believe he responded by saying something like:
今日が初めてです。
きょう が はじめて です。
This is my first time.
Literally: “today + が + first time + です.”
I don't remember what we talked about after that. What I do remember is that we talked for quite a while. His name was Jun-ichi, he said, but his friends called him Kuma (熊 [くま] means "bear," by the way; and no, he looked nothing like a bear).
A couple of weeks later, Kuma came to a 飲み会 (のみかい // drinking party) that some of my friends were holding. The weekend after that, I went to one of his closest friends' engagement party, where I was asked to give a congratulatory speech in English. An odd experience, to be sure.
Although we typically spoke Japanese, Kuma actually turned out to be very good at English. And he worked for the organization producing the JLPT.
I got to learn all of that just from a simple "Hello." That's why it sucks being shy. You miss out on things like this.
The other situation in which I've made friends with strangers is when starting conversations with people waiting outside of train stations. A lot of people meet at stations when going out in Tokyo, so you'll find a lot of people just standing around on their own with nothing to do. I never made any lasting friendships that way, but I did meet some interesting people. So it might work for you.
Capitalizing on Local Knowledge
This is supposed to be a travel lesson, right?
So I should probably stop with the stories and get to the language-learning.
Let's say you want to start a conversation with someone that is standing outside of a train station. You could start with something like:
すいません。
Excuse me.
And then you could continue with:
旅行で来てるんですけど、ここら辺におすすめの＿＿＿はありますか？
りょこう で きてる んです けど、 ここらへん に おすすめ の ＿＿＿ は あります か？
I’m here traveling, and I was wondering if you could recommend any ＿＿＿ around here.
Literally: “travel + で + am coming + んです + but (=けど), + around here / this neighborhood + に + recommendation + の + ＿＿＿ + は + have / there is + か?”
If you're just a beginner of Japanese, that sentence probably seems quite long and intimidating. I'd say that learning this one sentence, however, is more useful than learning any of the language you need to navigate trains or hotels.
People working in the tourist industry are trained to help you find your way in English. You don't really need Japanese in order to figure out what train to take. You don't really need Japanese in order to get some extra towels delivered to your hotel room. But you do need Japanese if you want to ask an everyday person for some travel recommendations.
Looking at a word-by-word breakdown might help:
旅行（りょこう // travel; trip）
で（[particle indicating the reason for something... among other uses]）
来てる（きてる // am coming [the full word is 来ている (きている)]）
んです（[way too complicated to explain here... in our example, it's something like "it's just that"]）
けど（but）
ここら辺（ここらへん // around here; this neighborhood）
に（[particle indicating the location of something]）
おすすめ（recommendation [when it combines with の, we get "recommended"]）
の（[particle indicating possession... among other uses]）
[＿＿＿]
は（[particle indicating the topic of a conversation (pronounced "wa," not "ha")]）
あります（have; there is）
か（[particle used at the end of questions... among other uses]）
Or did that just make it worse? Sorry.
旅行で来てるんですけど、ここら辺におすすめの＿＿＿はありますか？
りょこう で きてる んです けど、 ここらへん に おすすめ の ＿＿＿ は あります か？
I’m here traveling, and I was wondering if you could recommend any ＿＿＿ around here.
Literally: “travel + で + am coming + んです + but (=けど), + around here / this neighborhood + に + recommendation + の + ＿＿＿ + は + have / there is + か?”
So what can we put in the blank space? Well, a few things that come to mind are:
居酒屋（いざかや // izakaya）
焼き鳥屋さん（やきとりやさん // yakitori place）
お寿司屋さん（おすしやさん // sushi place）
焼肉屋さん（やきにくやさん // yakiniku place）
Let's see those in action:
旅行で来てるんですけど、ここら辺におすすめの居酒屋はありますか？
りょこう で きてる んです けど、 ここらへん に おすすめ の いざかや は あります か？
I’m here traveling, and I was wondering if you could recommend any izakaya around here.
Literally: “travel + で + am coming + んです + but (=けど), + around here / this neighborhood + に + recommendation + の + izakaya + は + have / there is + か?”
旅行で来てるんですけど、ここら辺におすすめの焼き鳥屋さんはありますか？
りょこう で きてる んです けど、 ここらへん に おすすめ の やきとりやさん は あります か？
I’m here traveling, and I was wondering if you could recommend any yakitori places around here.
Literally: “travel + で + am coming + んです + but (=けど), + around here / this neighborhood + に + recommendation + の + yakitori places + は + have / there is + か?”
旅行で来てるんですけど、ここら辺におすすめのお寿司屋さんはありますか？
りょこう で きてる んです けど、 ここらへん に おすすめ の おすしやさん は あります か？
I’m here traveling, and I was wondering if you could recommend any sushi places around here.
Literally: “travel + で + am coming + んです + but (=けど), + around here / this neighborhood + に + recommendation + の + sushi places + は + have / there is + か?”
Even if you don't make a new friend, maybe you'll at least get a good recommendation.
But what if I'm not traveling in Japan, but living there?!
Then maybe try something like this:
＿＿＿に行きたいんですが、おすすめの所はありますか？ここら辺あまり詳しくないんです。
＿＿＿ に いきたい ん です が、 おすすめ の ところ あります か？ ここらへん あまり くわしくない んです。
I’d like to go to a ＿＿＿. Do you have any recommendations? I’m not very familiar with this area.
Literally: “＿＿＿ + に + want to go + んです + but (=が), + recommendation + の + place + は + have / there is + か? + around here / this neighborhood + (not) very + not knowledgeable / not well-acquainted + んです.”
So...
焼肉屋さんに行きたいんですが、おすすめの所はありますか？ここら辺あまり詳しくないんです。
やきにくやさん に いきたい ん です が、 おすすめ の ところ は あります か？ ここらへん あまり くわしくない んです。
I’d like to go to a yakiniku place. Do you have any recommendations? I’m not very familiar with this area.
Literally: “yakiniku place + に + want to go + んです + but (=が), + recommendation + の + place + は + have / there is + か? + around here / this neighborhood + (not) very + not knowledgeable / not well-acquainted + んです.”
You might have some trouble keeping the conversation going in Japanese, but that's when you can fall back on the phrases we saw in this lesson: [NDL #642] - Travel: Do you speak English?
There's a fairly good chance the person you're talking to will be dying to practice their English, anyway.
In all honesty, I get nervous just imagining myself accosting strangers in public and asking them questions like this.
What if I'm bothering them?!
But, hey, it's Japan. And who knows how much longer you have on this planet. Might as well do the scary thing.
Yeah, people might look uncomfortable. In rare cases, they might even be rude to you. But I seriously doubt that any of these people will kill you, break your jaw, or throw hot coffee in your face.
In any case, good luck. And be brave.
Last of all, I know that it seems like we just saw some mountains of text, but we only looked at a couple of sentences... they just happened to be repeated a few times. You can start by getting to a point where you can say one of these sentences from memory. Then after that you can worry about whether or not you'll ever try it out on a stranger.
0 comments