Racy gossip lesson：スタート！(sutaato)

Rei showed me a group message thread between her and two friends on Line.

I HAD to steal--uh, I mean, 'share'--it.

Because it's the type of Japanese you just don't get many chances to encounter as a student:

A 3-way text conversation between lifelong friends...

...about one of them who's considering leaving her husband.

Names have been blacked out. Because obviously.
(Psst... "R" is "Rei.")

(Note: This is too much for one lesson, so I'm breaking it into two.)

Y:
家出する日近い
iede suru hi chikai
I'll be running away from home soon.
(Literally: "run away from home + day + close.")

(Note: 家出する [iede suru] is also the "running away from home" that a teenager might do... usually it's not permanent.)

Y:
とめて
tomete
Can I stay with you?
(Literally: "put me up // take me in")

(Note: In a Japanese class, they probably won't teach you 泊めて下さい [tomete kudasai], "Will you please take me in?" They'll probably teach something like 泊まってもいいですか [tomattemo ii desu ka], "May I stay the night?")

Y:
[cat riding a motorcycle saying チーッス (chiissu, "yo")]
(Literally: ??????????)

******Note******
チーッス [chiissu] is actually a ninja-level abbreviation of the word:

こんにちわ [konnichiwa], "hello"

...which is sometimes casually said as こんにちわっす [konnichiwassu]

...then that gets shortened to チワッス [chiwassu]

...then shortened even further to チーッス [chiissu]

...or sometimes うぃーっす [wiissu] [yeah, I don't know how to write that in romaji... also, I keep switching between hiragana and katakana, because I've seen people use both.

******End Note******

R:
いいよ笑
ii yo wara
Sure. LOL.
(Literally: "good + よ + [kanji for 'laugh'].")

Y:
離婚の先輩、離婚ってめんどくさいですか？
rikon no senpai, rikon tte mendokusai desu ka?
Divorce-senpai, is getting a divorce difficult?
(Literally: "divorce + の + [more experienced person] + divorce + って + a hassle + is?")

(Note: "Divorce-senpai" is the third friend, who we'll be introducing in the next lesson.)

Y:
日曜の朝から真っ暗な話をお届けして失礼💀
nichiyou no asa kara makkura na hanashi wo otodoke shite shitsurei
Sorry for starting such a dark conversation on a Sunday morning.
(Literally: "sunday + の + morning + from + pitch black + talk + を + send + rude.")

(Note: If you type 骸骨 [gaikotsu], "skeleton," in Japanese, you can probably bring up this sweet skull emoji: 💀.)
(Note #2: The actual convo has 話し [hanashi], but Rei told me that there should be no し... just: 話 [hanashi], "talk; discussion."

I'll be totally honest:

I don't really understand the nuance of お届けして失礼 (otodoke shite shitsurei).

Saying お届けする (otodoke suru), which means "to deliver; to bring," in a different context could be a (rather formal) way to introduce or start a discussion topic.

So why is it latched onto a rather informal 失礼 (shitsurei)?

A formal version of that would be something like 失礼いたしました (shitsurei itashimashita). In other words, some form of the verb する (suru) would be attached to it.

What I don't fully understand is the nuance of attaching formal Japanese to really casual Japanese.

I kind of get it... but not enough to where I could use it well.

Rei said it sounds like her friend is imitating a television broadcaster--like she's introducing some bad news on what should be bright morning television.

But since they're friends she's tops it off with a curt 失礼 (shitsurei), "rude."

Yeah, I missed that...

So I'm just gonna pretend I understand it fully, then have faith I'll master this language technique naturally in time.

I hope...

Part #2, tomorrow yo.

We'll get advice from "Divo

Bonus Phrases

3・2・1、スタート！
さん・に・いち、　スタート！
3, 2, 1, Go!

何の骸骨だろう。
なんの　がいこつ　だろう。
I wonder what kind of skeleton this is.

緊急ニュースをお届けします。
きんきゅう　ニュース　を　おとどけ　します。
I come to you now with breaking news.

失礼な人だったね。
しつれい　な　ひと　だった　ね。
He was rude. // That guy was rude.